Day Two

I have to say after getting up today I do feel better. Deep inside my brain it feels like something is wrong but my mood is much better. I am actively trying to avoid thoughts that may hinder me such as worrying about a loved one.

Speaking of worrying, that seems to be one of my big problems. See my girlfriend lives nearby and we've been together for a few years now. She works very close to her apartment but when she leaves work at 12:30am or 1am sometimes (this is usually Friday when I'm worried the most) I always feel like I have to stay up and make sure she got home safely. Though chances say nothing is going to happen to her (and nothing has) I still worry. Maybe it's because once long ago, before she had a car, she was walking home from another job and right before she got inside her apartment complex someone tried to steal her purse. I wonder if that is playing upon my unconscious thoughts and making me paranoid.

Anyway, whenever some evil thought enters my brain I try to distract it by seeking refuge in God, finding work to do, etc. but it's not as easy as it may seem sometimes. I admit it is helping, thank God but I still need to correct a lot about myself before I feel I "deserve" to feel good again. I know it sounds silly, maybe it's just my brain's way of making me a good person (I'm not saying I'm BAD).

Anyway I hope to look into the "Second Pillar" today and do the relaxation exercise again, even though I think doing it in the morning might be better. Cheers!